Turning minutes into hours (best of)

    Realizing that I have had vast experience in organizational work (I was once appointed Keeper of the Cards in the Nipomo Men’s Club and Poker Society), several people have inquired as to how they, too, could be as successful in organizational work as I have been. As a public service I will now answer some of your questions.
    Q. I have recently been urged by mail to become a “stakeholder?” What is that?
    A. Generally, if the dues of an organization are less than $50 a year, such people are known as “members.” Once over that threshold, mere members become “stakeholders.” See how much more important and impressive that sounds? Henceforth when people see you at the auction barn they’ll point to you and say, “See that guy over there, the guy with his shirt tucked in? He’s a stakeholder!”
    Q. What is required of a stakeholder?
    A. Let me put it in terms you might understand. For there to be leaders we must have followers. Have you ever seen a cow in heat followed by several steers? The steers have no idea why they are following the cow, and if they caught her, they wouldn’t know what to do with her. Even if they did know what to do, they wouldn’t be very effective because they are, well, they’re steers now, aren’t they? But they do serve a purpose. The rancher will know which cows are in heat and can then inseminate them. That’s why we need people like you as stakeholders. Got it?
    Q. I think so. Does that mean I should aspire to become a leader or officer of a club or organization?
    A. Meetings are a male-dominated ritual much like musical chairs... and when the music stops, you definitely want to be sitting in one. This is known as “going through the chairs.” The primary benefit of going through the chairs is that when you attend your annual convention, several gaily colored ribbons will dangle from your name badge, thereby setting you apart as someone who has enough working knowledge of parliamentary procedure to bring the cocktail hour to a close.
 

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