Have the 4 horsemen attacked your marriage?

Marriage is hard. According to Wong, one-third of American marriages will end in divorce (Huffington Post, 2014). It makes you wonder what the difference is between the couples who make it and those who don’t.
    Dr. John Gottman has devoted his life to answering this question. Thirty years of exceptional research on thousands of couples has led him to some answers. So much so that within five minutes of observing a couple interact, he can predict with 91 percent accuracy whether the couple will stay together.
    One of the most significant pieces Gottman discovered was that couples who fail display the following: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. He titled these “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (Gottman, 1999).
    Criticism involves partners who make a complaint about the other while also adding blame and general character assassination to the attack. Example: “Chad, I hate when you leave your dirty socks in the living room! How can you stand to be such a pig?!”
    Contempt is any behavior that one partner displays to the other that conveys disgust. It is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about your partner.
  

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