Church signs provide humor and wisdom

After 40 years of aviation in two careers: the Air Force (maintaining and flying jets) and Lockheed Martin (designing fighter cockpits), my focus has now turned to ministry. I quickly surmised I was too old for seminary and a third career as a pastor, but I discovered there are many other avenues to “seek God” and “contribute to humanity” (wow – did I really say that?).
Accordingly, I am a Gideon (member of the Bible distribution society), a rider in the Christian Motorcyclists (spreading the Gospel to bikers), part of the Patriot Guard (honoring veterans’ families at memorial services) and involved with Christian music (playing my trumpet at churches, jails, prisons and other venues). I joke that I’m getting really old and I am doing these activities to make up for the many sins in college and while flying fighters, but (of course), I know that faith, grace and mercy are the keys to salvation, not “good works versus bad works.”
I digress; this isn’t an article on religion (many of which I have written for another paper). My motive is much less serious. I receive, every so often, emails with examples of Christian quips, either from mistyped church bulletins or placed on signs in front of a church. Many of them could be a headline for a great sermon, in fact.
For example, a New York Baptist Church put the following on its sign: “The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.” This reminds a congregation that Christ pointed out, ‘small is the gate and narrow the road’ that leads to salvation, which is an important point. Another sign at a Lutheran Church commented on the creation: “God didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.” Delivering a sermon on God’s strange animals and irritating insects would be fun as an adjunct to explaining God’s creation.
You know I love puns – I’ve written about them in this paper. “Don’t give up! Moses was once a basket case!” on a sign at a Covenant Church could produce an uplifting sermon on the value of all of us to God. And I know some of you would appreciate another sign’s warning: “Come hear our pastor; he is not very good, but he is quick.” Pastors are always mindful of being long-winded. I like the Catholic Church sign: “We are still open between Easter and Christmas.” Many folks feel that attending church is probably necessary – well, at least twice a year.

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