Brainstorm: Life between the ears

Divorce in the United States is a lucrative business. According to Forbes, the average divorce costs between $15,000-$20,000. Cases that are complicated by custody disagreements or property disputes can run significantly higher tabs. Given that 600,000 Americans divorce every year, Forbes estimates the divorce business supports a legal industry of $11 billion per year. 

Marriage counseling, in contrast, averages approximately $140 per hour. What can we learn from this mathematical reality, other than this author having chosen the less lucrative career? 

The simple answer is that investing in marital counseling makes sense. Not only financially, but also to improve the day-to-day satisfaction of the relationship you originally invested in. Research shows that couples who utilize marital counseling have a success rate of about 75%, with success being measured by a reduction of complaints between partners post-treatment. 

What’s the difference between the couples that improve and those that don’t? First and foremost, individuals who come to counseling with a willingness to learn basic skills, become more self-aware and allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable with their partner make more progress. 

Couples that work on seeing each other as teammates versus opponents have significantly better outcomes than those who approach counseling to “win” or “convince their partner that they are right.” Spouses who can feel empathy for each other, as well as acknowledge individual contributions to both the good and bad aspects of the relationship, tend to make faster strides (Psychologytoday.com). 

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